In the past few days, I’m coming across so many mothers who are seeking “some support” throughout their pregnancy, labour, and birth. They hear from their close ones about the services of Doulas and how it is strongly recommended to hire one. Almost all of them then ask me: So, who are you girls? What is it that you do? What kind of services do you provide? Why is it so recommended to hire you?

So, for all of you ladies and partners, here is my reply: In short, we are your rock, your center, your mentor and educator, your kinda’ private birth attendant when you are labouring at a hospital setting or a birth center, while the actual nurse comes to check on you only every now and then. We mother the birthing mama, nourish and comfort her, guide her and her partner all along her birthing journey and through the early postpartum stage; and so, we are all that and more. Here are some of the things we do for expecting mammas…

Helping you visualise yourself owning your upcoming birth

When a mother decides where she will be giving birth, it’s important for her to be able to understand what the environment she chose might look like. Its important that she determines her preferences among potential interventions, and that she is ok with what that birthing location has to recommend? It is important to be aware of her spectrum of pain relief methods? It is important for her to explore her options beforehand.

Part of our role as birth doulas is to educate the mother with all that. Help you put together a list of questions to the care provider. You must remember that sharing your birth wishes with your care provider is a discussion of your preferences and NOT asking for permission from your care provider. You are equal, they are not above you, this is a mutual relationship.

Setting Boundaries and having them respected

How are you going to be treated in labour in a hospital setting, where everything is protocolized to keep everyone “safe”, and if your care provider isn’t on call for you? You might expect having their colleagues attending at your birth and rather need lots more effort in having your boundaries respected and your birth wishes heard.

Parents need to know about The Patient Bill of Rights when birthing in a hospital setting. However, many residents presume that they know what you want and what is best for you, because you came to them for “help” so why don’t you let them do their job, rather then asking them to let a women decide what feels right for her to do with her body.

Your doula will help you determine your own boundaries for the birthing setting, and when time comes, she will hold the space for you and make sure that the medical staff respects your wishes. Part of our job is to communicate all those.

Supporting the birth Partner

A Doula’s job is to support the birth partner as well.

Male thinking is usually problem-solving oriented: if there’s a problem, I will fix it. But what they actually need to understand is that they don’t have to have a solution to every problem; sometimes they only need to hold the space for their partner, and ‘magic’ can happen.

The masculine versus the feminine. The masculine is the mountain, allowing the powerful feminine river to just flow and do her thing: To change the landscape, to carry, to push through. The powerful feminine force is something we generally value less in our society. However, because of that, and due to the fact that pregnancy may be so wild and unexpected, males need to understand that its not a problem for them to fix, and rather it is for the river to find its way, while they just need to hold the ground and give some space. This is where a doula comes in, by explaining to the birthing partner the dynamics around birthing, and the leverages that they can use to make sure that space around the couple is as close as possible as what they expected for it to be.